LOOKING ON THE UPSIDE TO FALLING DOWN
by Eliza Hurwitz
Once my junior year of high school, I was rushing to my next class, running up the stairs with a backpack full of books, and my heart filled with fear because I was afraid I would be late to class and also because I was pretty much always afraid of something in high school. The weight of my backpack and my need for speed, however, proved to be a deadly combination. My backpack pushed my face forward and my legs were too busy running to notice the shift, forcing me to fall up the stairs. At the time I was embarrassed and didn’t know how to handle this counter-gravitational situation. But, now, I’m proud to admit I’ve fallen enough in my life that it has enabled me to come up with the perfect solutions.

Lay Low:

Remaining flat on the ground is always a good option after falling up or down stairs. If you’re lucky, lying down will make it possible for you to blend into the ground. People won’t have even noticed your fall; they’ll think it was just their overactive and violent imagination. You’ll be thinking “Who’s the crazy one now?” as you lie on the ground and watch their confused faces. The ability to camouflage yourself not only allows you to create the perfect delusion but it also enables you to get in some quality rest time. Whose got time for a nap nowadays? With the perfection of the camouflage/lying down fall, you can fit in your nap any time of day, for as long as you want.

In order to obtain this exceptional and highly useful ability I recommend always wearing something similar to the color of the stairs you most commonly use. This way you’re always prepared for a fall and or a nap. You should also consider packing yourself a blanket.

Back Up:

If a fear of being trampled inhibits your ability to lay low after a fall, I recommend getting up and walking backwards to the place you were at previously. The backward motion and the return to the start mimics time travel. Those that have seen you fall and those that see you walking backwards should understand this and once you return to your starting point, they’ll most likely have forgotten about the fall. You could also try to combine the backup with the lay-low by essentially crawling backwards, as if you were a caterpillar, to your starting point. Before attempting this, however, make sure that your clothes blend in and are also conducive to sliding.

Go Crazy:

If you don’t want to try to disguise your fall you could always pretend that it was part of a dance routine or theater performance. After the fall gracefully jump up, sing anything that comes to your mind, such as ‘Fallin” by Alicia Keys, or ‘Free Falling’ by Tom Petty, or maybe ‘Fallin’ for You’ by Colbie Caillat. Whatever song pops into your mind, sing it and make sure to dance your heart out. This way people will know that the fall was on purpose, someone with such graceful, breathtaking, and inspiring dance moves would never be so clumsy as to fall. And if you fall while you are performing like crazy, remember that the backup, or lay-low is still an option.